My Doomed Phone

So the cops have my good phone, and they have possessed it since April 8th. I bought a crappy flip phone in lieu of getting it back, a unit with the old school keypad that makes texting a chore. Sadly, the wheels of justice in Asheville move quite slowly, so eight months later my case is still unsettled, and I was still rocking the shitty phone. Throughout all this time it hadn't occurred to me until few days ago that I could probably find a phone retired by one of my friends that featured a full keyboard. What with technology being so disposable anymore, perfectly functional phones are relegated to backup duty all the time. So I found one---my friend Jim's bulky old Samsung that was missing the back that kept the battery secure, but the price was right: free. All I had to do was take it to the Sprint store to get it cranking with a prepaid plan, because my ass is broke with ghetto credit. This is normally something I would put off a few days, and this was no exception. But a funny thing happened to get me motivated.

My old phone was set on vibrate, and placed on the dresser next to my bed. Normally the ringer would probably be on, but lately a bill collector seems to think he's doubling as my alarm clock. Also, I don't always remember to turn off the vibrate after AA meetings, so I'll miss calls here and there. Never once did I think this would lead to the death of my flip phone, but such was the case. I heard it rattling when half asleep in the early daylight, but ignored it. Bad move. When I rose to face the day a couple hours later I picked up my cup of water off the floor only to find a marinating phone. It had fallen off the dresser directly into the cup.

My first task was to remove the battery and try to dry it out a bit, but of course I pushed a couple of buttons just in case it worked anyway. (give me a break---I had just woken up!). I then went to YouTube to read what to do about a wet phone, and step one was to not push any buttons, lest it short circuit and guarantee the phone is toast. Oops! In any event, this episode obviously drastically increased the urgency to visit the Sprint store---good thing I procured the replacement phone a few days earlier!

The sales guy was polite to not laugh in my face when I showed him the phone, and pointed out that they don't offer broke-ass prepaid deals. He suggested I take my brick, err, phone to Metro PCS, or some other carrier that doesn't offer free roaming, etc. Luckily I was in a shopping complex that also hosts a Best Buy, so I figured I'd drop in there to see if they had a better option. I was happy to find this next store not completely overrun with Black Friday shoppers, and I was able to quickly find more phone options. Turns out had I researched at all I would've learned that a brand new phone costs, quite literally in one case, nothing.

The phone model I drowned was $9.99, and came with a prepaid credit of ten dollars, which made it essentially free. In addition, there was an off-brand, (Pantech), model that had a full keyboard and was only $59.99, with a ten dollar airtime credit of it's own. It was here that I also learned that I could easily top my $1.99 per day deal, (not including texts), I currently used on Verizon with a flat rate of $50, including unlimited texting. Now I had a decision to make: should I simply replace my old phone essentially for free and assume I'm going “up the river” in a month or two anyway? Or do I figure at the rate it's going I'll be out another three months and get the phone with the keyboard because my new calling plan will pay for it in two or three months? Did you plan on reading this sort of minutia when you started this? Sorry about that.

After much deliberation I pried myself out of my mega-saving mode and splurged for the $59.99 phone. No more dismissing incoming texts because I didn't feel like the cumbersome task of typing back, and no more worrying about the cost of photos sent to me that I couldn't see on the tiny screen anyway. So ultimately what began as an ominous sign of a crappy day to come---my phone in a cup of water---ended with a solution to my existing phone keyboard problem with a minimal cash outlay. Sure I lost all my numbers, but those aren't too hard to recover these days anyway.

What's most impressive to me is I didn't lose my shit over it and worry---just sort of took it in stride. I also enjoyed having a wacky story to tell all day, and even the Verizon guy had never heard of this one. The guy in the store tried to sell me a warranty for my phone “in case this happens again”. I told him if my phone ever falls into a cup of water again I'll come in and let him kick me in the nuts. I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid. And you can text me whenever you want, and I'll text you back---maybe even with a photo!