WitStream's Dating Profile!

Category: Romance and Relationships Why you want me: Because I can sap any positive energy out of you and thus drag you down to the level of the typical American. I hate to laugh and I think "fun" is completely overrated. And speaking of an undeserved high standing in most people's estimation: the sun. All it does is get in your eyes and produce glare on the TV screen. If every day could be cloudy, I might be less miserable.  Since any dalliance with me is doomed to failure, when it's over you will always have a clear reference point for future relationships, i.e. "it could be worse!" I'm depressing, lazy, boorish, and just a general pain-in-the-ass. If you're looking for someone who you can change into something worthwhile, I'd be a good blank canvas on which to begin. Ideal Person: Again, someone to drag down to my level. Sloth is perfectly OK. A dame to complain with me about how the "system" just isn't fair, despite the fact that we're white Americans. I want a lass who will be glad to mindlessly gaze at the TV for hours on end. A lady who agress that the chirp of a bird isn't charming, it's monotonous and annoying. Someone who appreciates that a subtle change in the tone of a grunt passes as good communication. Someone who might bore me even more than I bore myself. If you like to laugh, swap grand ideas, imagine what could be, etc., please just move along. What is the last great book you read? "In Defense of Elitism" by William Henry III. It spoke to me because I have no real sympathy for anyone. If you're not bright enough at birth, tough! What is your most humbling moment? The last time I looked in the mirror. What is your favorite on-screen sex scene? This question implies that I actually have one. Fact is, sex bores me and I never understood what the big deal was. I mean, it's over in less than a minute anyway! What celebrity do you resemble the most? Possibly John Goodman in "Raising Arizona", because he escaped from prison. The best or worst lie you've ever told: How could there be a "worst" lie? If you ain't lyin', you ain't tryin'! My best lie was when I told my Mother "thank you" for everything she did for me. As the late, great Sam Kinison once said: I was a spiritual being, floating around in eternal bliss, but my parents had to fornicate, and bring my ass into this miserable world. Thanks for nothing, both of you! If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be? In front of the TV watching a newsmagazine, hollywood gossip show, or inconsequential sporting event. Preferably with my hand in my pants and farting at will. What are the five items you can't live without? My Bong My TV My hard drive loaded with porn clips My guns My enema kit Fill in the blank: _____ is sexy; _____ is sexier. Materialism is sexy; Elitism is sexier! In your bedroom one will find... Cold, lifeless decor with no semblance of a zest for life. 50% polyester sheets, none of which are fitted because they were stolen from hotels. A generic picture that fell to the floor a while back. Hopelessly style-free clothing, most of which needs laundered.